Changes are inevitable and everyone is affected by change and loss at some time in our lives.

Grief is the natural emotional response to the loss of someone close, such as a family member or friend. Grief is usually described in relation to the death of a loved one, but other types of major loss can also lead to feelings of grief. The more significant a loss, the more intense grief may be.

People may feel grief over:

• the death of a loved one
• divorce or separation
• the loss of a beloved pet
• giving up something that mattered
• work or school changes — for example, retirement or retrenchment, or moving schools
• the diagnosis of a terminal illness
• the loss of good health because of an illness, accident or disability
• moving away or separation from family or friends

Grief is a process or journey that affects everyone differently and has no set pattern. It is expressed differently across different cultures. Grief often involves intense sadness, and sometimes feelings of shock and numbness, or even denial and anger. For most people, the intensity of grief eases over time and the episode of grief becomes less frequent.

Kids Grieve Differently

After losing a loved one a child may go from crying one minute to playing the next. Their changeable moods do not mean that they aren’t sad or that they’ve finished grieving; children cope differently, and playing can be a defence mechanism to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It is also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry at the person who has died or at someone else entirely.

Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or slip back into baby talk.

Supporting Children Navigate Their Grief

Listen and talk with them. Children need time and to feel safe to express how they are feeling. Be patient, open, honest and consistent with your responses. The loss can be significant for your child when it does not seem so for you. Reassure them that grief is normal, and it is okay to be upset about what has happened. If your child struggles to express their emotions through words, reading books, drawing, making a memory book or photo albums may help.

Provide safety and security.  Significant loss can threaten a child’s sense of safety and control. It is vital that the child’s physical and emotional needs are met to support them in adapting to the loss. Children find great comfort in routines. Try to maintain routines and firm, but fair boundaries as much as possible as it is also important for your child to understand that life does go on.

Be direct and developmentally appropriate. Very young children often don’t realize that death is permanent, and they may think that a dead loved one will come back if they are “good”. Older, school-age children understand the permanence of death, but they may still have many questions. Ask what your child knows about death or the change and do your best to answer their questions honestly and clearly. It’s okay if you can’t answer everything; being available to your child is what matters.

When discussing death, never use euphemisms such as “went to sleep”. Clear and direct explanation (e.g. “Grandma has died, and she will never return”) can help them develop healthy coping skills that they will need in the future. The idea of an afterlife can be helpful to a grieving child. Depending on your religious belief you may like to share the concept that a person continues to live on in the hearts and minds of others.

Keep your emotions in check. Reacting explosively or uncontrollably teaches your child unhealthy ways of dealing with grief. Learn to identify and process your emotions in a healthy way such as talking to someone or hugs, so that your child can learn that expressing emotions is ok, and emotions are not scary.

Read more:

https://childmind.org/article/helping-children-deal-grief/

https://www.grief.org.au/ga/ga/Content/Information-Sheets/Grief_and_Children_Aged_6_12.aspx