St Monica’s Primary School - Evatt
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Moynihan Street
Evatt ACT 2617
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Email: office.stmonicas@cg.catholic.edu.au
Phone: 02 6258 5105

Separation Anxiety - Ryoko Koyasu

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is the fear of being separated from a parent or carer, and is sometimes accompanied by stranger anxiety, or wariness and distress around unfamiliar people. These anxieties are a normal part of your child’s early development.

By the time children reach preschool and school age they will generally be comfortable leaving their parent or carer, particularly in situations with familiar environments and people, although new situations may still cause some initial anxiety.

If your child is still experiencing regular and significant anxiety upon separating from you they may need extra support.

Helpful ideas to cope with separation anxiety:

  • Ask yourself if you are anxious about leaving your child. Children are very quick to pick up on anxiety from caregivers, and your anxiety may be sending a message to your child that it is not safe if you leave them.
  • Teach yourself and your child some breathing exercises to help you relax.
  • Practise saying goodbye – e.g. Have your child stay with your partner or a friend for 5 minutes at a time while you go outside to hang out washing, put out the bins etc. Say goodbye to your child each time, and don’t allow your child’s distress to delay your leaving.  Let them know that they are safe, and that you will be back. 
  • Introduce your child to new environments and people in advance whenever possible.
  • Always say goodbye – tempting as it is to sneak out when your child is occupied, this could result in an increase in your child’s anxiety.
  • Keep goodbyes brief - it could be helpful to talk to your child’s teacher, and have a plan in place to distract your child with a fun or comforting activity while they settle after you have left.
  • Consider using the ‘stepladder approach’ to managing anxiety (see “Raising Children Network” in the online resources list below)
  • If the anxiety is causing regular distress, or interfering with daily life, it may require some specialist support. Consider speaking with your GP or school counsellor about a referral to a private psychologist or other agency.

Helpful online resources for separation anxiety: